What I wish I knew the first time I dropped my daughter’s off at college.

Aug. 17, 2021

As I prepare today’s post, I’m also preparing to take my daughters to college in the coming weeks. This is the third drop off, they are now JUNIORS. I’m really excited for them; I can’t wait to watch them reunite with friends at their home away from home. My perspective is vastly different now than it was at the start of their Freshmen year. I only wish I’d read this article before dropping them off then. Lot’s of things went ‘wrong’ and I would do some things differently, if I could do it all over again. The truth is, we all survived. They thrived. I saw them. They came home. They went back. They grew up. They were happy. I was happy for them. It’s a process!!!

Wishing you safe travels and happy good-bye’s as you begin this next chapter.

It will be….. AWESOME, but maybe not perfect.

Tips to Survive Dropping Your Child Off At College

By Liz Yokubison, BLOG: What Now? Musings Of An Empty Nest Mom

You’ve been planning for and possibly dreading it for months. Now the fateful day has arrived. You are officially dropping your child off at college for the first time. If this idea sparks a mix of emotions ranging from pride to fear and maybe even a tiny bit of nausea, don’t worry. You’re not alone.

Just two years ago, I was in the exact same place. We drove up to our daughter’s dorm with a rented Suburban packed to the roof. I had a pit in my stomach that had been a constant companion for over a week. But at the same time, I was overwhelmed with pride that my baby girl was grown up and ready to experience all that college had to offer. I survived and you will too. Read on for six tips on how to survive dropping your child off at college. Spoiler alert – your college student will be just fine. Even if you aren’t.

1. There Will Be Tears – How to Handle Them

Chances are that, despite your best intentions, you will at tear up when you say goodbye to your college kid. If you’re like me, you may even find yourself on the verge of crying throughout the move-in process itself. And that’s okay. Dropping your child of at college is one of the biggest ironies of parenting. Your most important task for 18 years was keeping them safe and teaching them how to become a contributing member of society. Then in the course of one day, poof, you’ve worked yourself out of a job.

Guess what? Your student expects you to get emotional when you say goodbye. Which means that when the time comes for that final hug or whisper of advice, you don’t need to hide your feelings. Let the tears flow freely. Just save the full-blown ugly cry for when you’re back in the solitude of your car. Don’t be disappointed if your college student doesn’t reciprocate your emotions with a tearful farewell. They are embarking on the exciting, all-encompassing journey of college life and they are thrilled about it.

2. Don’t Expect a Last Supper

Since I have twins, we had the dubious honor of dropping two kids off at two different universities on opposite sides of the country in the matter of a few short weeks. Which also meant that we attended two different college orientations. One of the key things I learned was from the Dean of Students, who eloquently told an entire hockey arena of parents and incoming students, “There will be no last supper.” His point was that most parents have grandiose plans of moving their kid into their dorm room and then taking them out to dinner for a final goodbye.

While this makes perfect sense to parents and guardians, I can assure you that your college freshman has a totally different view of how this day will go down. Their vision involves you dropping off their belongings and giving you a quick hug goodbye while they rush off to join their new hall mates or roommate to attend one of the many Welcome events on campus. And that’s exactly the way it should be.

3. Leave Them a Little Something

For both of my kids, I hid an envelope under their pillow after we moved them into their dormitory. Inside was a heartfelt letter about how proud I was of them, accompanied by a gift card to their favorite restaurant or store near campus. The dollar amount was small, since it really wasn’t about the money. Rather, it was a way to symbolize that even though we lived “far, far away,” from where they were attending college, we were with them in spirit.

My daughter found the envelope the first night that she slept in her dorm room when she and her roommate climbed into their lofted beds. However, my son, who is admittedly a heavy sleeper, didn’t discover the hidden treasure himself. So I texted him and suggested that he look under his pillow. There he discovered a very crumpled envelope that looked like it had been slept on for days. Go figure.

4. Make the Goodbye Short and Sweet

Parents, family members and support systems, please trust me on this one. The key to surviving dropping your child off at college is not making it a long, drawn out process. Honestly, your freshman just wants you to help them unpack, maybe go on a Target run and then hit the road. Why? Because they are ready for college, even if you’re not.

To prepare for the big moment, ask your student in advance when and where they want to say goodbye. It doesn’t matter if they choose a time and place different than your vision of a Hallmark-worthy farewell under leafy trees on the prettiest part of campus. This is their moment, not yours. Let your child be your guide.

5. Prepare for a Variety of Emotions

Another important tip to surviving dropping your student off at college and driving away without them in the car, cab or Uber is to accept that there are no right or wrong emotions. Whatever you feel is perfectly normal. Different parents and guardians will process this monumental change in a variety of ways.

I alternately cried and slept the entire eight-hour drive home after we dropped our daughter off. You would think that it would have been easier with my son, since I’d been through the process already. Nope. I cried and slept as we made our way up the coast to a weekend getaway, since our return flight was significantly cheaper if we stayed until Sunday. Was I worried about my kids enjoying college? Not in the least. They were both exactly where they belonged. I just felt like I had left part of my heart at each school.

A mother who dropped her eldest child at college out of state, was a little sad when she said goodbye, but returned home without the onslaught of the tears that I had experienced. She even admitted that life with “only” two kids at home was so much easier that she didn’t miss her daughter too much. Until Parent’s Weekend. That same parent sobbed when she said goodbye to her student at the end of a jam-packed weekend. Later she told me that she believed that she had experienced delayed grief.

6. Self-Care Once You’re Back Home

This may sound a bit melodramatic, but the first few weeks my kids were away at college, it felt like they had been gone forever. I expertly avoided each of their rooms, fearing a sob fest if I entered. Without the structure of our morning routine, I found myself staying in bed for as long as possible, dreading the quiet house that I had longed for so often in the infant and toddler years.

The key to getting through those first few weeks, or months, after you drop your child off at college is to nurture yourself with plenty of self-care. This means listening to your body and mind and learning what brings you a sense of peace. For some parents or guardians, it means taking a long nap, or treating yourself to a massage to help you relax and sleep more soundly. It could mean immersing yourself in a good book or binge-watching Netflix for the better part of the weekend. Yoga and exercise are also great outlets if you can focus on being in the moment and not let your mind wander. As a matter of fact, self-care can mean something different every day, or even every hour of the week. All you have to do is figure out exactly what you need in that moment and indulge in it.